Rain
by SpeedingTiegan
Summary: It all starts with goodbye. A bit angsty, a bit of romance later perhaps...who knows? Yaoi, SeiferXSquall, nothing graphic though. Yet...
1. Chapter 1

SUMMERY - This is my first fic! Yay! Not sure where I'm going with it, but I guess I'll soon find out. Yaoi pairing, SeiferXSquall. It seems to have started out a bit angsty, but too find out more I guess your just going to have to read it.

DISCLAIMER - Squaresoft own Final Fantasy VIII. I just borrowed them.

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It was raining, that day so many years ago. Not a heavy down pour but a light mist of rain. A mist which was causing beads of water to form in his hair, to slowly run down his face. Rain that could easily be confused as tears, as it slowly yet surely ran over his cheeks.

Indeed he almost felt like crying as he watched the train pull away. Yet what he was feeling could not be described as true sorrow for the person leaving after being back in his life for only so short a time. Instead his emotions were as confused as the weather.

Not real rain but only a light mist. Not real anguish but only a vague sense of something not being right. If asked to identify what he was feeling he couldn't. Emotions are rarely as easily identifiable as the weather.

Seifer had returned not long after the war had ended. The same as ever yet infinatly different. With this difference in character also brought a difference in their relationship, yet it remained as it always had. If asked what the difference was, again he couldn't have possibly have said.

Of course Seifer wasn't the only person changed by the war. Squall had changed as well, as the ice at the core of his heart, the ice that had formed as a way to protect him, melted. He had lost too many people already in his young life, some he couldn't even remember. If he turned his heart to ice so no one could enter, well then they couldn't leave.

In this respect he had been successful, made even easier due to the effects of the Guardian Forces. Not only would he not let anyone in, but the darling little monsters in his head made him forget the people who had left him already.

But the war, with its revelations of a past forgotten started to melt the ice. It melted it enough so that when Seifer returned, there was no barrier to stop him entering Squall's heart.

Of course the two didn't become friends the instant that Seifer walked back into Garden, all swagger and confidene. A confidence that didn't quite reach his eyes. If the world is a stage and everyone was looking, well Seifer fully intended to give everyone a show. It was expected.

The softening of Squall's heart however caused the change in the relationship between the two. It was still a stormy relationship but one with more mutual respect, Seifer recognising Squall's power and Squall recognising Seifer's need for attention from the shorter brunette.

After all had that not been what all Seifer's bluster and anamosity had been about before the war? A desire for, and a resentment towards to brunette because he wouldn't let him in, wouldn't reciprocate the feelings Seifer had for him. Feelings of belonging, a need to have his presence acknowledged, and a love for him. A love that wasn't an entirely fraternal love.

As the two became closer following Seifer's return and Cid allowed him to begin his studies to become a SeeD once again, the same feelings began to arise in Squall. A desire to have the tall blond around that went beyond mere friendship.

There was an obstacle in the way however, An obstacle that would stop the feelings ever being more than being a nagging in the back of Squall's mind and allow him to fully realise what he desired. The obstacle being a certain raven haired Sorcerress.

The existence of said sorceress and the bond between Squall and her were the reason that he stood watching the train leave Balamb station. For whilst Rinoa was still in his life Squall would never be able to realise what he truly felt for Seifer.

As this became apparent to Seifer, and his studies became increasingly difficult due to the anamosity he was subject to because of his role in the war, he decided just to leave. The old Seifer would have stayed and fought for what he wanted. The new Seifer couldn't stand the pain of having something he wanted so badly, held up before him when he knew he would probably never get it.

This is why Squall stood in the mist that day at Balamb station, watching his newly rediscovered friend leave again, to where, who knew. Even all these years later Squall could not understand why he felt that way. The feeling of something not being right.

Nor did he know why he still felt that way. Maybe someday soon it would all become clear.

---

AUTHORS NOTE - Well there it was. What did you think? Please R&R and be as brutal as you think necessary. Any kind of attention will probably get more writing, so if thats what you want I think you know what you've got to do!

SpeedingTiegan x


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHORS NOTE - Reviews yay! Didn't I say if you reviewed there would be more. Not much more admitably, but more. Also there is something else already written, but I have a reason for posting just this one short chapter. From the next chapter onwards there will be dialogue! Yes actually dialogue, not just me rambling on. So I thought I would post what follows separately, as really it should have been added on to the end of the first chapter. It is getting late, and as you can see I am digressing so I will be quiet now.

DISCLAIMER - Squaresoft own Final Fantasy VIII. I've just borrowed them.

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Many years had passed since that day that Squall had stood in the rain, watching Seifer leave. Over the years the nagging in the back of his mind had remained, though mostly ignored as life continued around him. It was only when it rained that that feeling, the feeling of something being off, became clear enough for him to focus on it.

These periods did not last for long however.

The years had been good to Squall, both emotionally and physically. Physically, though he had allowed his hair to grow a little longer and his face had became a little harder, the face of a man not a boy any longer, he retained the same ethereal beauty he had always possessed.

Emotionally he had been able to open up, the ice had melted further and instead of fearing being left behind, that one of his newly discovered extended family may leave him, he found peace. A peace he had not had since early childhood, if ever.

The feeling he had that day so long ago however remained despite this new found inner peace, though often overshadowed by the love radiated by his friends, birthdays, holidays and a whole host of other distractions. Yet he knew something was missing.

Someone was missing.

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	3. Chapter 3

AUTHORS NOTE - Well this was like pulling teeth I have to say. I just couldn't get down what I wanted to say, not without sounding like a bad tv movie anyway. I think I avoided it but who knows? I should warn you this installment does contain a character death. Someone had to be sacrificed to get the plot going. Hopefully in the next chapter the we will actually get somewhere! As always review! I do love attention so...

DISCLAIMER - Squaresoft own them. I just borrowed them.

Squall was sleeping peacefully alone in bed. Rinoa was away visiting her father in Deling but was due back the next day. It was the knowledge of her impending return that allowed Squall to sleep so soundly, as normally with her away he felt uneasy and found it hard to sleep without her warm body next to his. Since letting her into his life so completely he found it difficult to be without her.

As the sun began to rise, casting a dim light through the gap around the blind covering the window opposite the bed, Squalls sleep became less sound, as he began to toss and turn as if in pain. The struggling stopped just as abruptly as it had begun however as his eyes snapped open and he focused on the grey ceiling above.

Something was wrong. Something was wrong with Rinoa, what he didn't know, but something was wrong. He knew this because of the bond between him and her as sorceress and knight. This bond didn't allow him to know exactly what was wrong, just that something was wrong and that the sorceress needed her knight.

Sitting bolt up right Squall reached for the phone beside his bed and dialled the number for Rinoa's cell phone. The phone she never turned off, and almost always answered.

When Squall dialled this time however it didn't ring, just went straight to voicemail. This unusual occurrence made the panic in Squall's chest rise further. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. He tried her cell again, and again it did not ring.

Jumping out of bed Squall pulled on the clothes that were laid out for the next morning. Shrugging into his jacket he left his dorm and headed down the hall towards Quitsis' door. Banging on the door it was promptly answered by a rather dishevelled Quitsis. Though an early riser it was early even for her.

'Squall? What are you doing here? Its on 5:30' Quitsis questioned brushing the normally immaculately coiffured hair out of her face.

'Something is wrong with Rinoa, I have to go to Deling. Now'

'Why? What's happening? Did she call?'

'No, she didn't. I don't know what has happened, I just know that something has and that she needs me. I have to go now, I just wanted to let you know and ask for you to cover for me at the morning meeting'

Quitsis stared at Squall, disbelief evident on her face, 'Squall you can't go running off to Deling on a hunch. Rinoa is probably fine. Go back to bed and...'

Squall interrupted before Quitsis could finish her sentence, 'I'm going. I've wasted too much time already. I'll let you know what is happening as soon as I find out what is going on.'

Turning on his heel Squall started to walk swiftly down the corridor, 'Wait!' called Quitsis but it was too late. He had turned the corner and probably wouldn't have listened even if he was still in ear shot, 'Be safe Squall', she murmured under her breathe 'Be safe.'

-----

It was late afternoon as Squall finally made his way up towards the door of Caraways mansion in Deling, and still he had heard nothing. The feeling in his chest had been growing heavier though, and there was no doubt in his mind now that something was defiantly wrong.

Knocking on the door Squall was answered by a butler or a domestic of some description, 'Is Rinoa or the General here? Its vitally important I speak to Rinoa'

'Commander Leonhart, has no one informed you?' the domestic said with a tone of grief in his voice 'There was an accident last night, Miss Rinoa's car was run off the road'

The colour drained from Squalls face 'Where is she?'

'She is at Deling City General. I can't understand why the General hasn't contacted you.'

Squall didn't bid the bearer of such bad news any kind of thank you or good bye but turned and sprinted down the drive and towards his rented car. He had to get to that hospital. Rinoa needed him.

Arriving at the hospital Squall was promptly directed to Rinoa's room by the young woman at reception. Exiting the elevator and turning the corner Squall was faced with a private room, through the windows of which he could see Rinoa in a bed.

Her face was pale, far too pale and her hair lay limply around her face. Yet a look of serenity graced her features as she slept. As Squall stood staring through the window of the room General Caraway left Rinoa's bedside, and stopped at his side.

'The prognosis isn't good. They say she hasn't long left'

Many questions whizzed around Squalls head, what had happened? Why hadn't the General contacted him? All of this was unimportant right now, he had to get to Rinoa. She needed him. Entering the room he took a seat next to the bed and held on to the hand closest to him. It was cold.

'Rinoa?' he whispered gently. She stirred slightly, repeating her name her eyes slowly flickered open and locked onto his.

'Squall?' she croaked. 'You came. I called to you, I wanted to see you one last time.'

'Don't say things like that Rinoa. Your going to be fine and...'

Closing her eyes she shook her head. 'I know I don't have long left, I can feel it. The power is pulling inside me, trying to pull away. I needed to see you one more time, to tell you something.' Opening her eyes once more she looked deep into Squalls eyes, and saw the pain there. Also the ice, the ice that had began to reform to protect him against the impending loss.

'Live Squall. For me. You are not alone. Never think that you are.'

She grew quiet, as her eyes fluttered shut. Squalls head started to hurt, as the buzzing that had been there since early that morning began to reach a fever pitch. Squall leant closer as she tried to form more words.

'I love you.'

As Squall tried to form a response the buzzing got louder still, and as alarms began to go off all around the room, the world went black.


	4. Chapter 4

AUTHORS' NOTE - Well obviously I worked out what happens next. I even know what is going to happen in the next chapter! After that your guess is as good as mine. Anyway, read on. And then review. I do so love reviews...

DISCLAIMER - Squaresoft own Final Fantasy VIII. I just borrowed them.

**Chapter Four**

She had left him a week ago. She promised to be with him forever, that she would never leave. But of course she had. Like they all did. First his mother, then Sis, the rest of the orphanage gang and then Seifer again. After he had come back he left again. Now she had gone too.

The difference was that this time he knew he wasn't alone. He had his friends, the friends that she had brought back to him. Of course they had been there all along but it had taken her love to make him realise that they were there and that although the memories had faded they had never left him.

Although they were here now though, Squall realised that they wouldn't be here always. One day they too would leave, each of them in turn. Until he was on his own.

The problem this time was that he could not build up his defences, they wouldn't allow it. Their mere presence would ensure that the ice within him would could not reform, leaving him open to the pain of them leaving.

As such the answer was clear. He had to be the one to leave this time. If he went away the wound would heal never to be ripped open once more when another left him.

It was many nights of little sleep and an anguish that he could not vocalise then that lead to Squall standing at the door of his hotel room in Deling City, a light pack on his back, Leonhart hanging at his waist and an unaddressed envelope sitting on top of the dresser.

Next to the envelope was a photograph of them all together, taken not long after Seifer had returned to Garden. The photo was taken at the beach. The beach had been Selphie's idea, and weren't they always. A day of fun at the beach, a chance for them to act like the young people they were, not the saviours of the world.

And it had been fun. More fun than Squall could ever remember experiencing in his short life, surrounded by the ones he loved. The ones who loved him.

Looking at this photograph he whispered under his breathe, 'Good bye. I love you.'

With this he turned and left, walking out to the street and away from Deling City, away from the pain.

---------

A tall man of wavy auburn hair on top of which sat an ever present cowboy hat stood outside the door of Squall's room. The group were soon to depart, heading back to Balamb. It was the consensus of the group that the sooner that they got Squall back to Garden and back to work the sooner he would start to heal.

Of course it had hit him hard, how could they have expected it not to, but they still worried about him. Though nothing like he used to be before the war, the news of Rinoa's death had caused something to freeze behind Squall's eyes and the spark that Rinoa had brought to them had disappeared. He had been more distant with them then he had been in years, and this was what worried them all so.

Knocking lightly on the door Irvine waited for an answer. When none came he knocked again, louder this time. After some time of silence he called out, 'Squall? You in there?'

When he got no answer he tried the door. Finding it open he stepped inside again calling out for Squall. But the room had been cleared out, nothing remained to indicate that he had even been there. Apart from the letter on the dresser.

Picking up the envelope and the photograph Irvine muttered to himself, 'Now what have you gone and done?'

Closing the door behind him Irvine headed down the hall to the room Quitsis was staying in, knocking and waiting for a response. Seeing the cowboy on the other side of the door Quitsis asked, 'Did you tell Squall we were leaving? We really ought to start moving the train leaves in...' but she trailed off noticing the envelope in his hand, 'Irvine?'

'He's gone Quitsis. Nothing left but this letter, and the photo we had taken at the beach. You remember that day, just after Seifer got back?'

'He was so happy then. What does the letter say?' she questioned, motioning for Irvine to enter the room. The hall way was not the place to have this kind of conversation

'I haven't read it yet. I couldn't bring myself...'

Handing the envelope to Quitsis she broke the seal and slowly read over its contents. 'He's gone. Says he can't handle the pain and the possibility that we'll leave him.' Wiping a tear from the corner of her eye she sniffed and continued, 'He says he loves us but that we aren't to look for him.'

'What?!' Irvine exclaimed jumping out of his seat, 'He can't be serious! He can't honestly expect us to just let him go without looking for him. He's hurting, we have to let him know that its okay, that we won't leave.'

Sighing she replied, 'But we can't promise him that can we? Not in out line of work. We have to face it Irvine. He's gone.'

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He had read about her death in the newspapers. He was going to go back for the funeral, for Squall. Too much time had passed though to start hoping again, hoping that he could now be his.

So instead Seifer sat at the end of this bar every day in the middle of nowhere. At least no one bothered him. No one said much in this place, being somewhere people went to forget. Somewhere people went to lose themselves, to lose their painful pasts.

In this pursuit Seifer had been most successful. He worked all day, the community here was involved in logging and farming, hard tiring work but work for which Seifer was well prepared. His years of training meant that he had the physical strength for the work and it suited him, paying reasonably well with very little thought needed. And at night he came here, had a few drinks of the local liquor, a heady and potent concoction not too dissimilar from a fine Galbadian bourbon, but not quite as refined and smooth. After that to bed, then start over again.

This all provided very little time for soul searching. This and the liquor helped soothe the pain some.

The news of Rinoa's death however had made him remember what he had tried so hard and so long to forget. Suddenly no amount of exhausting physical work or strong liquor was going to help...


	5. Chapter 5

AUTHORS NOTE - Long time coming I know. Apparently I didn't know where I was going, and it is only thanks to the snow and insomnia that this horrid cliche I seem to be writing has gone any further. Well it was either that or delete it. Why is it so hard to destroy the things you create? Thats my though for the evening anyway...

DISCLAIMER - Squaresoft own Final Fantasy VIII. I just borrowed them.

**Chapter 5**

The bar was quiet tonight. Not that it could ever be considered a hot bed of activity, but still. It was quiet.

The weather was to blame. The only thing harsher than the work around here was the weather at this time of year. It was the weather that had kept the patrons at home tonight, warm in front of their fires. Leaving only the barman, known to everyone as Pops, behind the bar polishing glasses and Seifer in the place.

Seifer was sat at a table near the large open fire, the play of the flames casting shadows on the walls of the dimly lit room. Out of the window through which he had been peering for quite some time snow softly fell. Though in all likely hood it would soon work its way into a full blown storm.

For now however it was calm. And serene. Unlike snow in the cities. or even in the sleepy town of Balamb where Seifer had spent much of his youth. Here is was peaceful and serene. Pristine and unblemished. Just the tonic that Seifer needed to calm his racing mind, now that the liquor was no longer doing it for him.

This should not lead you to the conclusion that he was over sentimental in nature, despite the fact that his heart and core had been through the ringer in years not so long past. But rather the snow provided something for him to lose himself in. Something that could be so engrossing and yet require no mental exertion at all.

For Seifer had discovered what Squall had learnt so many years ago. The only way to stop the pain was to stop all feeling. To stop the racing of his mind, his heart first had to become as cold, and as barren and yet as calm as the snow just outside the window.

As Seifer sat and stared the snow began to fall heavier, just as could have been predicted by those with more experience of this regions climate than he. And as the weather grew more violent that calm that had begun to descend over him also began to slip away.

Something was going to happen. Something was coming. He was in danger from this something. But what could it be? What could possibly pose such a threat as to make his heart pound so.

Suddenly the door of the bar flew open, the wind from outside blowing it into the wall with force. On this wind also came the snow, which surrounded the occupant of the opening.

The person was bent double. Hair stuck to his face. Snow on the collar of his coat. A blade dragging behind him. An aura of defeat surrounded him. And a look of ice was in his eyes...


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER - Squaresoft own Final Fantasy VIII. I've just borrowed them.

AUTHORS NOTE - I am so sorry for how long it has been since I updated last. Things just kinda got hectic and I forgot all about this. But thanks must go to SiriusMoonPuppy for reminding me that people do actually read what I write.

So this chapter is a bit longer than all the rest, which I guess makes it shorter than most but still its good for me. Also I think there might be some actual plot that isn't some awful cliche so thats good too.

Remember, reviews get quicker updates!

SpeedingTiegen

x

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Obviously blinded by his hair and the melting snow that was running down his face, Squall stumbled into the bar. The sharp blade of Lionheart dragged across the marked and scuffed hardwood floor, adding another scar to the multiple that marred its surface.

Seifer remained hidden in the shadows, held immobile by the apparition from his past , as Pops moved swiftly from behind the bar, his glasses forgotten, towards the figure whose energy seemed to be rapidly evaporating as every muscle tensed to keep him standing.

'Good Hyne man!' Pops cried as he helped Squall to a chair, 'What kind of fool are you to be out on a night like this? Have you no respect for your own life?'

As Pops turned from Squall towards where Seifer had been standing he began, 'Seifer get me a glass of...' He trailed off, the words dying in his mouth as the space he was looking towards was empty. Looking around to spot the blond, he simply saw the door that had been left standing open close, Seifer gone and only the old man and the half frozen figure before him remained.

-----

The storm hadn't lasted long, indeed when looking around the small village the next morning the only sign that there had been a storm was the banks and fields of dazzling snow that lay all around. The scene was quite pretty actually.

Inside a small cabin a frantic Seifer was stuffing his few possessions into a duffel bag. Thoughts of the man who had appeared the night before had kept sleep at bay and during the early hours of the morning he had decided that he had to leave. He was having a hard enough time living inside his own mind as it was without this unexpected guest appearance that was threatening to undo all the hard work he had done trying to forget him.

He was bored of this place now anyway. The lack of, well the lack of anything, around here had been good at first. It had allowed him to lose himself in physical matters and ignore what was in his head. As of late however this total absence of anything had, instead of providing an escape, merely made him turn further in on himself.

Yes Squall's untimely arrival had illustrated that it was time to move on. Maybe somewhere bigger this time. Somewhere he could really and truly lose himself amongst thronging crowds of people and dark back alleys and bars.

Just as Seifer was shrugging into his coat and about to throw the bag over his shoulder there was a knock at the door. With a sigh of frustration he put down his bag and opened the door to the weathered face of Pops.

'Well,' Pops began 'Where are you off to? You seem to be getting good at this disappearing act.'

'I'm leaving.' was Seifer's only reply.

'Well that much is obvious. Where are you running to this time?'

Stepping inside Seifer's small room and closing the door behind him, Pops waited for more from the silent blond. When it became obvious he wasn't going to get anymore he continued, 'That was a shitty thing you did last night, leaving me there with the popsicle of a man. Why did you run off like that?'

'He brought back bad memories is all.'

Picking up his bag again, Seifer rounded on the older man. 'Its been nice knowing you old man.' was all Seifer said before heading towards the door and disappearing swiftly from sight.

Pops was left alone in the now empty room. All that remained was a news paper, a couple of weeks old now, on the bed. On the front cover was a story about the death of a Deling City socialite come sorceress. In the picture of the leading story was a rather vivacious looking woman and a somewhat pissed off looking man.

----

How long had he been out? He didn't remember getting here. Slowly looking around the warm homely room Squall took stock of his location.

It had been several days since his unannounced arrival in the sleepy little village. The cold had gotten to him, and whilst in no danger of dying he had been running a temperature and had generally been a bit lucid since his arrival. I mean lets face it, commander of seed and the hero who had stopped Ultimicia he he may be but he was only human.

A woman entered the room whilst Squall was still trying to figure out where he was.

'Well good morning. How are you feeling?' she enquired.

'Confused. Where am I?'

'Well you are in my guest room right now'. she said with a chuckle, 'Though it doesn't get used too often. This isn't the kind of place people visit on a regular basis. I have to say you did surprise us dropping in like that.'

She moved closer to the bed and put a hand to his forehead, 'Well your temperature seems to have come back to normal. By Hyne you almost gave poor Pops a heart attack bursting in the way you did.' Again she chuckled.

'Pops?'

'Pops runs the inn here. He was there all alone when you dropped in.' Turning away from the bed she started heading back towards the door, 'Well I say alone, that guy was there with him. Seifer or something his name was.'

She stopped to contemplate something, Squall totally forgotten as she spoke more to herself then to Squall, 'There was always something a bit wrong about that guy if you ask me. A bit too quiet you know what I mean?' Shaking her head she continued, 'Anyway he has gone now, not that it should interest you any.'

Smiling she asked, 'Do you fancy something to eat? I have some beautiful broth downstairs, even if I do say so myself.'

Without waiting for an answer she was gone, not that Squall noticed, as his mind was otherwise occupied. 'Seifer?'

----

AUTHORS NOTE - Well was it worth the wait?


End file.
